Show Yourself
My babies love Frozen 2. What they love the most about it is the music. Specifically "Into the Unknown" and "Show Yourself". I am not exaggerating when I say we sing or play one or both of those songs on almost constant repeat daily! Of course I don't mind at all. I love singing and I love these songs too! Total guilty pleasure. I am pretty sure I will never tire of them.
Tonight while I was putting my baby daughter to bed, I was rocking her in my arms and holding her close and she said, "Mommy? Unknown." That was my cue. She put her head on my shoulder and I gently stroked her back as I whisper-sung in her ear. After it was over she popped up her head and said, "Mommy? Unknown" This time I opted for an assist from Idina herself. I selected the song and dropped my phone back in my pocket. We sang along softly together and we rocked and snuggled. After we finished that I went straight into our routine with "I am A Child of God", prayer, boops, ni-nights, and kisses, lest we get caught in an endless loop. It was magical and glorious and I cherished every blessed second. Man I love that girl.
Next it was time to take over for my husband, Tim, and put my little Mister to bed. I was in the mood so I picked him up and asked him if he wanted "Show Yourself". Of course he said yes...but not until he had a chance to warn Daddy of the lasers. Sound advice.
You see, 2 of my little men are Autistic. My littlest Autistic man is learning language slower than the average kiddo so at almost 5 years old, we don't always know what's really on his mind. Tonight was no different.
As Daddy was leaving he said, "Goodnight buddy. I love you. I have to go to Target before they close." Little man said, "Oh Daddy needs groceries! Watch out for the lasers Daddy!!" He said this will earnest seriousness so Daddy and I both agreed that Daddy definitely would watch out for the lasers and gave thanks for the advice.
Advice given, he was ready for a Mommy snuggle and "Show Yourself". What I wasn't ready for was the onslaught of emotion and tears that would pierce my heart while singing to my beautiful little rainbow puzzle.
The lyrics started:
"Every inch of me is trembling, but not from the cold.
Something is familiar, like a dream I can reach but not quite hold.
I can sense you there, like a friend I've always known (mommy tears starting to flow)
I'm arriving
and it feels like I am home.
I have always been a fortress, cold secrets deep inside.
You have secrets too, but you don't have to hide.
SHOW YOURSELF
I'm dying to meet you. (mommy is now sobbing)
SHOW YOURSELF
It's your turn.
Are you the one I've been looking for all of my life?
SHOW YOURSELF
I'm ready to learn.
As I stood there rocking my precious angel, I could see that he was in a different little world. His eyes were somewhere else and as the phrases of the song swept by taking me with them, he, instead of singing along, said things like. Skeletons! Spiders! A bissabissa bis and other babbling nonsensical words.
I felt like I was singing those words just to him. Please. Show yourself. Some days I feel so locked out of his world. Some days the dryer buzzer makes him cry. Sometimes his sister humming is too loud. Some days, his older brothers can't even approach him because he just feels so overwhelmed.
The line, "I have always been so different. Normal rules did not apply" felt like they came from him. Like his little soul was singing a duet with mine.
"OH my sweet angel, please SHOW YOURSELF. Step into the light". I wanted to say. It's so hard to know that his world and mine don't look the same and sometimes that makes me feel very lonely. I am sure he has the same feelings. His older brother is also Autistic and has expressed this very thing. He says that sometimes he feels very lonely in his Autistic world.
When you are almost 5 years old and you don't have access to language like most people, communicating is frustrating, scary, discouraging. I KNOW he has something to say and he knows it too, but sometimes it just doesn't work.
And some days...I just have to cry and plead....please, Show Yourself.
Tonight while I was putting my baby daughter to bed, I was rocking her in my arms and holding her close and she said, "Mommy? Unknown." That was my cue. She put her head on my shoulder and I gently stroked her back as I whisper-sung in her ear. After it was over she popped up her head and said, "Mommy? Unknown" This time I opted for an assist from Idina herself. I selected the song and dropped my phone back in my pocket. We sang along softly together and we rocked and snuggled. After we finished that I went straight into our routine with "I am A Child of God", prayer, boops, ni-nights, and kisses, lest we get caught in an endless loop. It was magical and glorious and I cherished every blessed second. Man I love that girl.
Next it was time to take over for my husband, Tim, and put my little Mister to bed. I was in the mood so I picked him up and asked him if he wanted "Show Yourself". Of course he said yes...but not until he had a chance to warn Daddy of the lasers. Sound advice.
You see, 2 of my little men are Autistic. My littlest Autistic man is learning language slower than the average kiddo so at almost 5 years old, we don't always know what's really on his mind. Tonight was no different.
As Daddy was leaving he said, "Goodnight buddy. I love you. I have to go to Target before they close." Little man said, "Oh Daddy needs groceries! Watch out for the lasers Daddy!!" He said this will earnest seriousness so Daddy and I both agreed that Daddy definitely would watch out for the lasers and gave thanks for the advice.
Advice given, he was ready for a Mommy snuggle and "Show Yourself". What I wasn't ready for was the onslaught of emotion and tears that would pierce my heart while singing to my beautiful little rainbow puzzle.
The lyrics started:
"Every inch of me is trembling, but not from the cold.
Something is familiar, like a dream I can reach but not quite hold.
I can sense you there, like a friend I've always known (mommy tears starting to flow)
I'm arriving
and it feels like I am home.
I have always been a fortress, cold secrets deep inside.
You have secrets too, but you don't have to hide.
SHOW YOURSELF
I'm dying to meet you. (mommy is now sobbing)
SHOW YOURSELF
It's your turn.
Are you the one I've been looking for all of my life?
SHOW YOURSELF
I'm ready to learn.
As I stood there rocking my precious angel, I could see that he was in a different little world. His eyes were somewhere else and as the phrases of the song swept by taking me with them, he, instead of singing along, said things like. Skeletons! Spiders! A bissabissa bis and other babbling nonsensical words.
I felt like I was singing those words just to him. Please. Show yourself. Some days I feel so locked out of his world. Some days the dryer buzzer makes him cry. Sometimes his sister humming is too loud. Some days, his older brothers can't even approach him because he just feels so overwhelmed.
The line, "I have always been so different. Normal rules did not apply" felt like they came from him. Like his little soul was singing a duet with mine.
"OH my sweet angel, please SHOW YOURSELF. Step into the light". I wanted to say. It's so hard to know that his world and mine don't look the same and sometimes that makes me feel very lonely. I am sure he has the same feelings. His older brother is also Autistic and has expressed this very thing. He says that sometimes he feels very lonely in his Autistic world.
When you are almost 5 years old and you don't have access to language like most people, communicating is frustrating, scary, discouraging. I KNOW he has something to say and he knows it too, but sometimes it just doesn't work.
And some days...I just have to cry and plead....please, Show Yourself.
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